Today as I was working to diminish my mountainous pile of homework, I decided I would “take a break” and mow my lawn.
As I traversed my lawn I noticed something out of the ordinary. I don’t mean the usual, intermittently dropped “dog bombs” that our beagle strategically places around my yard that my 11 year old (who “promised” to clean up if we got the dog) always finds something better to do than pick up… it wasn’t the wind blown candy wrappers from the neighborhood… it wasn’t even the leaves from my special tree that all turn brown in the fall and die, but hang onto the tree as if cuffed to it until the fresh growth of spring tosses them to the ground…
In what I can only expect was an escape attempt from the clutches of one of the small armies of young children that surrounded my castle, I found a kitchen escapee. He was laying among the grass and was initially difficult to locate as the grass was excessively tall (this was the first cutting of the year, I avoided it as long as I could!), but his camouflage skills are lacking slightly and I was able to locate him with relative ease once I cleared my castles perimeter of debris.
I captured the intruder after a very brief chase and brought him into the keep for questioning.
“Who are you? To which army do you belong?”
“What are you doing here… are you a spy?”
I almost immediately lost my composure with this trespasser and exclaimed, “I have ways to make you talk!”
Even under the bright lights of interrogation, this customer kept his cool.
After what seemed like seconds, I noticed I wasn’t getting anywhere with this tactic. I decided it was best to switch to “Chinese Water Torture.” Surely that would get me the information I was after!
The water slowly trickled down his face but to no avail… he wasn’t gonna crack.
Perhaps I needed to go to the extreme of water boarding…
After nearly 47 seconds of torture I decided that I had met my match and am now looking for his commander to conduct a prisoner exchange. Whoever you are, you have one tough cookie here… speaking of cookies.. that’s what I want in exchange for this extraordinarily brave member of your army.
So here’s the deal.
You bring me a batch of chocolate chip cookies (or one bag of Double Stuff Oreos), place them at my door by 2100 hours (ahem, that’s 9pm) tonight. Ring my doorbell twice and then hide behind the bushes (I can’t run the risk of being photographed with the “enemy” and accused of subversion). Once I am satisfied that the terms of this agreement have been satisfied, I will release the prisoner.
Should you not meet the terms of my agreement, I will be forced to add this mighty “soldier” to my army of kitchen items and give him the particularly disgraceful position of “cereal holding vessel.”
The choice is yours…
The opposing army has been identified and an accord has been reached. We agreed to slightly alter the terms of the agreement as that army is now one nerf bowling pin weaker as it succumbed to my mighty fighters, Sergeant Briggs and Private Stratton. We’ll call this duel a draw!