Through a very painful process that GOD no longer allows men to suffer from, men began to have any sons and populate the world.
GOD decided that some children should be women too, and gave unto them the burden of childbirth.
GOD then determined that a thousand years was way too long for a man to be nagged now that women were plentiful, so he decided that man shall only live 120 years, thus limiting the “crapping themselves” years to about 40.
From the earliest years of the world, there was a basketball team. They played in the area known today as Croatia, and were very evil men. GOD saw that no matter how many goats the team was paid with, they always felt entitled to more as there was evil in their heart.
One day, during a pick-up game, GOD and Noah were playing a couple of guys from the team, and GOD got embarrassed. The shorter of the guys on the other team did a little cross-over and then around the back move and took GOD straight to the hole. GOD tried his best, but was left standing under the hoop as a thunderous two handed dunk was slammed in.
“That’s it! I’ve had it with these arrogant asses. I am gonna drown you pompous fucks, all of you!”
“Hey man, it’s just a game GOD, chill out,” responded Noah.
The other team laughed and pointed as GOD and Noah walked off the court and through the garden. “Check it out Noah. You’ve got a week and I’m gonna flood this place and start again. You’re pretty cool though, so I tell ya what… build a giant boat and put your family in it and a couple of pets.. you guys can start this thing again after I’ve cleaned it all up.”
So Noah tricked the teamsters into working around the clock, promising to pay them double-time in two weeks, and they built a giant ship. Noah assigned his sons Shem, Ham and Japeth the job of gathering a male and female of each animal. They were each given a list of animals they were responsible for and went off on their own to gather the animals on their lists. On the morning of day 7, Shem was running a little behind and was having trouble measuring unicorn horns and everyone knows that’s the only way to tell what sex a unicorn is. He already had a female unicorn, but was having trouble locating a male and in his haste he just grabbed one and hoped for the best. Both unicorns were female.
So Noah and his family filled the boat with the animals and all the foods required… and it started to rain…
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