Genesis – Chapter 2

On the 8th day, GOD woke with a terrible hangover, and saw all the gifts laid out on his new planet.  There were trees and plants of all variety, and creatures crawling about the land and swimming in the great pools of tears which had been dropped the night before.

GOD and Zeus were both feeling horribly… and wanted some form of quite entertainment.  GOD decided he would make a creature to rule over the new planet, an upright standing creature.  He created man.  He told man that he could eat freely of all the plants and animals, save for one tree; the tree of dream and reality was off-limits.  GOD explained that the tree was poisonous and that should he eat of the tree, man would surely die.

Man wandered about, hunted the plentiful animals, cooked outdoors, belched and scratched himself as he pleased… and talked to himself, being the only creature on the planet capable of speech.  GOD decided that man should have a companion, a creature with whom to share his thoughts and ideas, a creature that would love him unconditionally.  And on this planet, in the garden which man lived, GOD did create such a creature.  Man had been allowed to name all manner of plants and animals as he chose too, and this new creature was no different.  Man saw this new creature, and called it “dog.”  Man and dog were inseparable, and were great friends.  Unfortunately, in his hungover state, GOD had neglected to create dog with the power of speech, so while man and dog were the best of friends and loved each other unconditionally, they could not talk to each other. Sure, man confided in dog his deepest secrets, but dog would just stare at him as it was unable to respond.

On day 9, GOD decided he would once again create a companion for man so that he may speak and share ideas, and otherwise have meaningful exchanges.  GOD put man into a deep sleep and stole one of his ribs (creating the bones was the hardest part of creature creation, and GOD didn’t want to spend ALL day at this.. he had a dinner party at Minerva’s house to get to) and created a new creature.   This new creature looked similar to man in that it stood upright and moved only using its hind legs.  When man awoke, he saw this new creature and his loins were set afire.  He called this new creature woman, and when man tried to talk to woman the first time, she just gave him a dirty look and turned away to marvel at the beauty of the environment.

Man had learned that if he mixed certain plants and grains together, and let them sit for a time they created a very pleasing drink.  Man had a gourd of this drink saved and he gave some to woman.  She smiled politely at him and took the drink, still refusing to speak to man.  Man repeated this offer, and woman accepted, throughout the 9th night, and by the time Neptune was in the sky, the man and woman were laying naked together, their bodies interlocked in a manner that was pleasing to both of them.

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