Genesis – Chapter 1

Georgiano Olivicious Denario was a lonely man.  Being a magical and all powerful being in control of the entirety of existence is a lonely pedestal to be on.  Sure, he had some slightly less magical neighbors but all-in-all, he was “the man.”  One of his neighbors was Zeus, and Zeus always had trouble remembering Georgiano’s full name and stumbled each time he tried to say it as he had a lisp so he just abbreviated Georgiano’s name, calling him GOD.  This didn’t bother Georgiano much at all, he was frankly happy to have someone to talk to.  With so few beings in existence, GOD was happy to have someone to share things with.

GOD was putzing around in his garage one day (the area in the Universe we presently call Neptune) and he decided he’d build something new.  He’d built Venus and Mars and just sort of haphazardly placed them without realizing that he left a giant gap of emptiness between them.  GOD decided he’d build a giant, water covered planet and drop it in that empty space.  He had a new idea on how to build the core of a planet, and surround it with plates so that it would be easier to put together instead of one solid mass.  GOD built his new water covered planet and he had a beautiful view of it from Saturn, where he spends most of his time.

Zeus came over for a visit on day three, and GOD showed the new planet to him over a vanilla latte, and Zeus was thoroughly impressed.  They visited and GOD explained his new concept of planet construction and when Zeus left he was in awe.  The next day, Zeus came back over with gift for GOD.  He explained how impressed he was with the new planet and just thought that a congratulatory gift was in order.  GOD was very appreciative and slowly unwrapped his gift.  As he unwrapped the package, he could see an “As Seen on TV” logo in the corner of the item, and when he removed the paper completely he saw that it was “The Clapper”.  GOD had no idea what this item was, but Zeus eagerly explained to him that you plug it in, you just clap your hands and the light turns on.  GOD had been having trouble turning his Sun on and off, not because it was difficult to do so, but because he had, in a night of wiring while drunk on wine, placed the on/off switch on Mercury, which is a substantial distance from Saturn.  Zeus plugged “The Clapper” in and when GOD clapped  his hands, the Sun came on… and he thought it was good.  They drank wine and GOD repeatedly thanked Zeus for the thoughtful gift.  Now he wouldn’t have to get up and go all the way to Mercury every morning to start the “Period of increased illumination.”  They continued to enjoy each other’s company and copious amounts of wine, and eventually began to discuss the names of items.  GOD had a very bad habit of naming his creations with very long and descriptive names so that others could readily understand what he was talking about, but it made conversations cumbersome.

Zeus commented “Hey GOD, you know, you’re in charge around here… you could call your creations anything you really want.  We don’t need long descriptive explanations of everything.  You can call the “Period of increased illumination” something as simple as a guttural grunt and we’ll just go with it.”

At first, GOD was hesitant to rename his creations, but upon further reflection and prodding by Zeus he decided to change the name of this period to “Day”.  It was easy to say, easy to remember, and he was in charge so whatever he says is the way it is anyway.  Zeus thought it was a great new name, but then GOD had to change the name of “day’s” counterpart as well.  “Period of far less illumination than Day” didn’t  exactly roll off the tongue.  GOD thought for a moment and suggested that Day’s counterpart be called “Frillious,” but when Zeus tried to say it and it came out “Fweeweeious” because of his lisp, and GOD laughed hysterically.

“That damn lisp of yours!  How about something like… um…Night.  It’s simple, should be pretty easy to remember.  I bet even Minerva will be able to remembered it, and she’s a moron.”

“Night, I like that,” responded Zeus.   And so it was done.

On day four, GOD realized that his new method of planetary construction wasn’t as great as he had initially thought.  The core of the new planet was rumbling about, and it caused the plates surrounding to move incessantly.  As the plates grunted, groaned, and rubbed against each other, great rocky outcroppings reached for the sky, creating our mountains.  “Damn, I didn’t think it would do that.”

That evening, GOD was surprised by his neighbors with a “Congratulations” party for his new planet.  Zeus was the ring leader, and fancied himself a handsome man and thus purposely didn’t invite Mercury.  The ladies all thought Mercury was stunning, and when he was around, none of the women paid any attention to Zeus, or to any other males for that matter.    At any rate, the guests started to show up and they carried gifts of trees and animals, stars and sea creatures… all of which were gifts intended to “decorate” the new planet.  Mercury crashed the party and was already drunk already when he arrived.. and instead of chasing after one of the beautiful young goddesses in attendance, he purposely “hit on” Hestia (Zeus’s sister!) as he had heard she was easy… the rest of the ladies were so heart broken that they cried, and a torrent of tears fell… thus filling the seas with the salty tears of love lost.  They partied for 2 days and nights, and were all hung over on  Sunday… the seventh day, so they rested.

Chapter 2 >>>

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Pauper Dann's Bible and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Genesis – Chapter 1

  1. Jerold Olide says:

    I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme? Great work!

Please deposit comments here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s